Thinking diffrently /// I am not Frank Underwood!


Amongst all the frenzy as of late, I have been contemplating the fact that I have rarely taken care of myself adequately. Lack of sleep for insane working beat and demands of insane life... No time for training, taking care of my feminity or indulging in hobbies I so love... It also occured to me that many the things I would soon miss.... Like the Quebec's kurd cheese used in poutine... There is none in Australia... Or ribs... or bacon ? They really have no clue about pork... However nasty for my cholesterol health issues, I had to indulge one last time into an ogre serving of BBQ'ed ribs with chicken....

Dear God! How tasty succulent mouth-watering wonderful they were... Until I started getting sick around 01h45 with them. Spent the night with abs rock n'rolling.... I am not exactly Frank Underwood to have breakfast with ribs! Exhausted, still put on my alarm to go to work but failed to hear it or my portable alarm or even the house phone when receptionist tried to track me down... And then I realized I felt a total shame for wanting to take care of myself ? I need to relearn how to be good to myself. Learn how to think diffrently and not let others expectations of me dictate the amount of pressure I accept to be put under. Is it good "for me" ? Does it feels "alright" to do so ? etc.

I have alot to learn still and conquer in this soul of mine who's still searching the path to healing recovery from years of abuse... Abuse inflicted by abusers ( jobs, supervisors etc. ) or myself for thinking I had no choice to live up to THEIR expectations...